Tuesday, April 27, 2010

A muse in the evening rain























It was one of those rainy days...
the dark clouds had brought an early night,
the lazy street lights let out a faded glare,
while a few motor rides made their home in a  hurry.


Streets had been washed clean,
Maybe the people too.


A few but still lingered on the street.
A father,mother, their two boys - a family i should say.


And so it was chillness of the rain and the father lit that country smoke.
Hunched he sat, billowing smoke through his nostrils and mouth.
The man seemed so lost in thought, engrossed in world of worry.

I would never have noticed her again,
Had she not called for the  boys- soaked in that evening rain.
The dark walls near the sidewalks,she seemed to be a part of it too...

Her red faded sari with borders which once could have been called golden,
now spoke just of a life jaded in sorrow.

With  some brutal strength she squeezed the water off the pallu
she whispered a word or two as the boys giggled
While she wiped their heads.

I walked on, thinking of joy and  of sorrow and of the evening rain.

Friday, April 02, 2010

As we grew, we loved and we parted

She was the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me. It all started with a dream. In a flowing bridal dress, N was walking along with me,we spoke something and then she laughed. It must be spring cos there were just dry leaves everywhere and then we sat down. There was perfect silence in the air, even the breeze flowed with hushed steps afraid to tread on the moment but then she smiled. It was Sunshine.

I was in the 6th grade then and I didn't understand the meaning of what I saw for a long time to come. N was always the enemy, the one I loved to fight at any given point of time.But now I can see how a part of me used to smile at every fight that I used to have with her cos innocently most selfishly and most truly -- the little boy loved his princess.

The little boy never understood anything for a long time to come, but the fights just kept getting nastier.

  Time flew, he was no more the little boy, a few pimple assured him so. It's the 8th class and sure I was discovering myself. It was a casual conversation in one of those free-hours in the sweaty summer days, (B) asked me about the girls in the class, I said they are 'all fine.' I really didn't have a clue what was he hinting at and then came the big question, who was the one girl I like the most? I didn't even need a moment to think, the answer was N,he burst out laughing and then he started checking her out.

I was angry, oh! yes, I was angry--I understood what 'dirty looks' meant? My anger only amused B. That day I went back home a different boy.

Suddenly I had no will to fight her instead I chose to avoid her. No more comments when she answered a question, no more jeering when she scored low in class tests, instead I only wanted to see her smile. It was Sunshine.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Faces,phases,faces,phases.

Being haunted.
Being labeled.

Liar...

Been fighting the demons.
Night long, and in day.

Was it my mistake.
yes it was.

I took things for granted.

Not its hurting me,
so I am  lying now.

They look at me
and i get hurt.

They talk
and i get hurt.



Paranoia...can spin some tales.

I am trying to breath deep now,
telling myself this will pass.
But I am choking too,
strangled by my own thoughts.

There is just hope and there is grace or there was,
  but surely I believe "even this will pass."

Friday, January 15, 2010

Funny It Is..



It just breaks my heart,
It just breaks it into two.

Leaving jagged spaces,
Empty places,
It just breaks my heart
right into two...

 
I have been fighting
I have been hurting
Myself all again.

It never leaves,
the hurt remains,

in the empty places, in the jagged spaces.

All this, but love,funny it is.